E-Portfolio: Camp Writing T1 2019

Describe It - Camp Experiences

Learning Objectives:

Level 3

• Select, form, and communicate ideas on a range of topics.
• Use language features appropriately, showing a developing understanding of their effects.
• Organise texts, using a range of appropriate structures.
• Show a developing understanding of how to shape texts for different purposes and audiences.

Level 4.

• Select, develop, and communicate ideas on a range of topics.
• Use a range of language features appropriately, showing an increasing understanding of their effects.
• Organise texts. Using a range of appropriate structures.
• Show an increasing understanding of how to shape texts for different purposes and audiences.

Learning goals:

• To ‘Show, Don’t Tell’ the reader by painting a picture with words.
• A variety of sentence starters
• A variety of sentence lengths
• Edit and rework
• Effective peer checking and feedback
  The clear water glistened in the sun whilst the happiness of the kids gave the valley a life. Overtaking everyone, the jagged rocks were the light of the show. People cannonballing off the ledge was common. The long walk was tough, but the ravine did act as a prize.
  
  
  Mr Miles was a border for the valley. Parents also helping the children jump off the ledge. Water soon became more grey as the sun vanished. Sharp granite rocks would spike your feet, though you would be lucky to even touch the bottom. As the wind grew bigger so did the coldness of the jagged valley. The tall ledge was the main attraction because the ravine grew more dull.
  
  
  As the tides got more fierce so did the powerful wind. Soon the sun completely disappeared behind the clouds. More and more people grew cold and bored.this sunny place wasn't so ''sunny'' anymore. Now it was time to leave this once beautiful valley.      

Student Reflection:

In my writing, one of my goals is to support main ideas with carefully chosen details/comments.

I did show this goal here because It was a show not tell, so I had to describe what was happening with words that correlate with the idea.

In my writing, one of my goals is to use different sentence sentence structure, beginnings and lengths.

I did show this goal here because if I didn't, it would kind of drag on the story and really bore the reader but, I could of used more impact sentences or one word sentences.

My next step is to Try and add more complex sentences in my writing because they are lacking a lot in my writing.

Teacher Comment:

Jack, your opening sentence is very catchy and made me want to read on and know more. like the way you have used language to add detail and description, without exactly stating where you are. Your next step is to experiment with using short or one word sentences to add impact. - Mrs Hunter